Jordan sucks. I’m seriously considering removing his plate from the league trophy. That is all.
| Team | Wins | Losses | Ties | Actual Record | Percentage |
| Christopher Walken Cowbells | 82 | 39 | 0 | 9-2 | 0.678 |
| Better Lucky than Good | 81 | 38 | 2 | 7-4 | 0.669 |
| Z’s Threesome | 78 | 42 | 1 | 8-3 | 0.645 |
| Magic Hat No. 9 | 74 | 45 | 2 | 6-5 | 0.612 |
| BM | 66 | 55 | 0 | 7-4 | 0.545 |
| Googley Eyes | 65 | 55 | 1 | 7-4 | 0.537 |
| The Sh*tBirds | 63 | 58 | 0 | 4-7 | 0.521 |
| Maroney’s Contruda | 58 | 62 | 1 | 5-6 | 0.479 |
| Dicks in a Box | 55 | 66 | 0 | 5-6 | 0.455 |
| Brick’s Tridents | 52 | 69 | 0 | 5-6 | 0.430 |
| Rookie Barrage | 33 | 88 | 0 | 2-9 | 0.273 |
| Dorothy Mantooth Saints | 15 | 105 | 1 | 1-10 | 0.124 |
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